Taking over me
by eclarexo
Summary: Clare's life has changed completely. She has many secrets she's been keeping from Eli. It's only a matter of time before he finds out everything. Can Clare's life go back to normal? Or is it to late. *Please review*
1. Prologue

**Clare**

Ever since my parents' divorce, my life has went downhill. It's worse than the time I tried to "rebel" and I ended up bringing Eli into my rebellion stage. Eli doesn't know half of the stuff I've been doing. I'm scared that if he finds out, he won't want me to be his girlfriend anymore. But yet, I feel bad because I'm keeping all this from him, and the thing that's even worse? I have a secret. A few, actually. One of them is a secret that I shouldn't even be keeping to myself.

Want to know some of the things I've been keeping from Eli?

I have gotten into drugs. What kind of drugs, you may ask? It's a long list, actually. I've done marijuana, cocaine, crystal meth, shrooms and ecstasy. The drugs I do more often are marijuana, ecstasy and occasionally cocaine.

I cut myself _all_ the time. On my wrists, legs and stomach. It's the only thing that makes me feel **alive**. I don't know how to stop, and I don't think I even _want_ to.

I've been hanging with Owen and Bianca behind Adam and Eli's back. That's where I get the drugs from. Sometimes I even go to the Ravine with them and get drunk and high.

If people ever found out I've been doing these things, they'd probably say _"What happened to Saint Clare? She has the perfect life and a perfect family". _Yeah, well, for your information, my life is nowhere near perfect. My father was having an affair with his co-worker before the divorce was even made, I haven't seen Darcy in over a year, and now my mother is a drunk. I can never talk to her anymore. The last time I had a _real_ conversation with her had been months ago.

I love Eli, with all my heart. I don't want to lose him. I just hope that if he ever finds out, he'll understand and let me explain.

I just can only hope he won't do anything stupid once he finds out everything. Especially when he finds out my secret.


	2. Chapter 1

I've been lying in bed for the past couple of hours, not being able to fall asleep. All I can think about is when and why my life has become so messed up. I _need_ to do something to get all of this off of my mind. I don't have any more of my drugs left. I smoked and snorted the last bit of it all yesterday. I need to find Bianca at school and talk to her about getting me some more. I just have to be careful and watch for Eli, because he'll question why I'm suddenly talking to her.

Oh Eli, if only you knew.

I could always get my razor out of my bathroom drawer. I've been trying and trying to stop cutting, but it is really hard. You have no idea. It's addicting. Just like drugs. The problem with the cutting is getting out of hand. It's hard hiding all of them from Eli. My arms are _covered_ from my shoulders down to my wrists. My stomach has little cut marks all over from my waist down to my hips. Oh, and don't even get me started on my legs. The scars are going from thighs, practically down to my ankles.

You see, now _this_ is a problem. Eli, Adam and Ali are starting to wonder why I've been wearing long sleeves all the time. Things have also been getting pretty steamy with Eli and I. I have to make sure I'm always wearing long shirts, and that it doesn't start riding up.

I'm just lucky it's winter, so they don't seem _too_ suspicious. Spring and summer is not what I'm looking forward to. They'll _definitely _start questioning me even more. I better start thinking of excuses now.

I look at the clock, and notice it's already 4:00am. School is in about 3 in half hours. I have to think of something to get my mind clear.

I went downstairs and walked quietly past my mother while she was passed out drunk. As I was walking, I look at all the alcohol bottles on the table. I decide to take the vodka and whiskey up to my bedroom.

I shut my door, and started drinking.

_Great_. I'm going to end up like a drunk just like my mother.

Now that I think about it, it's not like doing drugs and cutting myself is any better.

I've just about finished the last little bit of vodka, and then guzzled back half the bottle of whiskey.

I suddenly heard footsteps running and stomping on my way to my bedroom. I suddenly felt scared.

"CLARE! YOU BITCH! I KNOW YOU TOOK MY ALCOHOL!" And right at that moment, I felt her hand connect to my face.

She started punching and kicking me, using all the force she had.

"YOU BETTER GET ME MORE ALCHOL ON YOUR WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL! DON'T EVER THINK ABOUT TOUCHING IT AGAIN, OR YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY!"

"I already had to fucking pay for it."

"WHAT did YOU say? DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME."

Once again, she used all her force.

Damn, I have to stop talking back to her.

How am I going to explain this to Eli, Adam and Ali now?

I just have to try and cover all the bruises and cuts as best as I can, and once again, only hope they don't find out anything.

I can't let them find out.

**Please review and tell me how i'm doing, and if I should continue! **

**Thank you(:**


	3. Chapter 2

It's been a week since the incident with my mother.

I'm officially a child that gets abused by one of her parents. I never thought that day would ever come. I want my life back to the way it used to be. My sweet, kind and loving little Christian family. Yeah, who am I kidding? It hasn't been that way since I was about 7 years old.

To this day, I started sitting down with my mother and getting drunk. She'd beat me if I drank too much, or if I had more than she did. Stupid reasons, I know. But what can I do? She's a drunk and I don't know if she'll ever get better. Her life is ruined because of the stupid mistakes she made, and now her own daughter is following in her footsteps.

Right now, it's around the time the students have lunch at Degrassi.

I decided to skip school to hang out with Bianca. Never thought that would happen. If Ali found out, she'd be beyond pissed with the fact that I'm hanging with the girl that slept with her ex that she's still madly in love with.

Bianca's actually not that bad of a person. She's sweet, but can be a bitch if you mess with her.__

At the moment, we're sitting behind the school smoking our joints.

Most people wouldn't even dare doing half of the shit we do behind our school, but who really cares. We sure as hell don't. The teachers never go behind here anyway. Before I started hanging with Bianca and her friends, they practically lived back here.

As I was about to grab the joint from Bianca, I noticed my sleeves fell down all the way, revealing all of my cuts. _Dammit_. Me and my stupidity. Why the hell did I wear a _baggy_long sleeve shirt?

"What are those?" Bianca says.

Before I can do anything, she grabs my arms and looks closely at them. She examines each arm carefully, puts them down gently. It was silent for a minute or so.

"Why are you hurting yourself? And how long has it been going on?"

I think about it for a while. Deciding how I should answer the question.

"Umm... A few months."

"You didn't answer my first question! _Why _are you doing this to yourself?"

"My life is a fucking mess, okay? What the hell do you want me to say? My mother is a drunk, I don't even talk to my father, and I feel so useless! I'm a waste of space in this fucked up world."

"Why didn't you tell me? You should know you can talk to me. I may not be one of your best friends, but you could have told me. You need to stop doing this to yourself, Clare. You can go to deep and kill yourself."

"Maybe I'm better off dead."

"Don't you _ever_ say that again! You're not better off dead. You want to know something? I use to cut to. I almost _died. _I was on suicide watch for a long time."

Bianca then showed me her cuts. It was hard to notice them now since they've faded, but I can notice how deep they were.

It's how deep I've been going.

Every single day, my deeps have been going deeper and deeper.

I look up at Bianca.

I opened up my mouth to say something, but no sound came out.

Instead, Bianca had tears in her eyes and said,

"Please _try_ to stop cutting yourself. I know it's hard, but please. You have to. I've never had a friend like you before. All the girls are scared of me, and so I only have guys to hang with. I need to have a friend like you in my life."

I look away and told her I'll try.

At that moment, I realized how good of a person Bianca is. I only wish I could have known this sooner.

We finished our joint and walked to the dot.

Just as I feared, as we walked into the dot, Adam and Eli were sitting at a table in the back.

I didn't even realize how long of a talk Bianca and I had that school was already over.

Eli and Adam were staring at me with confused looks on their faces.

Time to face the music.


	4. Authors Note

Sorry for not updating. It will be a_** little**_ while until I update the next chapter. My mom had cancer, and my family and I just found out the other day that she's now in remission. We're going on a little family vacation to celebrate.

I'll write new chapters as soon as I get back. That should be in 3-5 days.

xoxo


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